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Friday, December 05, 2003

What they did wrong...

The news story reads, "A McDonald's customer who flew into a violent rage when she was denied mayonnaise on her cheeseburger got 10 years in prison today for running over the restaurant's manager. "

This woman obviously hired a loser of a lawyer. I mean, this is a slam dunk. All they had to do was show the jury that she was acting as a crusader against fast-food. Make that dude look like a Phillip-Morris wannabee, and kick off the next wave of health-Nazi partying!!! Can you imagine any jury in America convicting someone of running over a tobacco executive?? Of course not! And with just a little work and effort, Mr. McManager here could have been painted in the same exact light...I'll bet he's even an Oreo addict, if you dig deep enough...

A second news item reads, "A student expelled from Parkway High for a year for having Advil, an over-the-counter pain reliever, will not be allowed to return to the school. "

This girl made the mistake of not having some condoms and other sex paraphenalia in her possession. How easy would it have been to hide a couple Advil if she had had her pockets stuffed with Trojans. Geez, aren't they teaching these kids ANYTHING in school anymore? I mean, I'm used to hearing about kids who are ignorant of unimportant subjects like Science and American History and "words", but to have kids who can't get away with having illicit drugs in school (not to mention that "gateway" drug, Advil) is just a shame...we aren't serving our youth well...

And apparently, people in Florida are lacking in Oxygen because here is a list of the "news" stories listed on ONE SINGLE PAGE of a Florida TV station:
- In Orange City, the woman who had been reported as "trampled" by Wal-Mart shoppers who were vying for a $30 DVD player turns out to make these kinds of claims quite often...9 times in fact.
- In Ocala, there was bomb that fell to earth near some hunters. The lead-in reads: "Part of the Ocala National Forest is a designated Navy bombing range, but a group of hunters say Navy pilots missed their target and dropped a bomb only 400 yards from them on Thanksgiving day." I'd say the hunters were just mad because it is clearly muzzle-loader season, not bombing season for deer...
- "Perverts" in Seminole (I kinda think the name is ironic, don't you?) were in for a surprise: "Local 6 News traveled with officers on a sting operation at the Environmental Studies Center located just off state Road 17-92 in Seminole and found adults, mostly men, exposing themselves and soliciting undercover officers for sex. "
- In Ormond Beach, a 77-year-old man named Rupert Sessions fell for the Nigerian email scam (You know, where if you just send Mr. Ombtumbu your bank account info, he'll send you $7 million...) and reportedly lost approximately $400,000.
- And, finally (actually there is more, but I'm tired of typing this stuff) in Orlando, a man was caught, on tape, operating a fake lawfirm staffed by convicted drug felons. The clients knew it was a fake firm because he kept taking their money and not getting them anything in return...oh, wait a minute......

***Best Wishes to Shane and Jennifer as they are at the hospital for the birth of their son***


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